As the time of my departure from what was once the origin of my contentment draws near, I look back at the 9 years I have spent here in this city of fear and try to interpret the current path allowed by fate by piecing together the clues in an attempt to foresee the future.
I once wrote a poem about this place I’ve called home for nearly a decade of my youth and I find it is still very much applicable to how I feel about my destiny. I titled it Ebb & Flow.
Ebb and flow
In a life where it seems
We have so few healthy moments left,
In a city so admired
For its jagged edge,
We watch the sky bloom red.
From distant eyes
We watch the buildings light up
One by one.
Light up like my tumultuous life,
Light up like the fourth of July,
Light up like the cigarette burning to this city’s lips,
Light up like the stars in your eyes at twilight.
Like the last few moments
Of a song that once so wholly filled your heart,
As this summer day comes to an end.
I do not pretend to know why things happen the way they do, but choose instead to find solace in the fact that everything happens for a reason and only exactly when it is supposed to. As children of this earth we all have our own expectations of what is in store for us, some of us attempt to force our hand and gain our objectives sooner rather than later, but as we grow, learn and gain wisdom we come to understand that we are just not that powerful.
Yet, assuming we are is exactly what we need to set ourselves apart from those who do not have the same opportunities that we do. The law of natural selection dictates that only the strong survive, Social Darwinism also states that life is easier for those with certain characteristics allowing them to flourish and fulfill their objectives in order to improve the species as a whole.
Expectation is a key part of this process. It is the driving force behind humanity’s race to the future whether it be through art, science or technology.
Setting goals for ourselves is undoubtedly a crucial catalyst to our own success in our short time here and attempting to accomplish those goals gives us the ability to elevate ourselves in the race between the strong and the weak, no matter where life takes us.
The higher we set the bar for ourselves, the stronger we attempt to make ourselves. If we do not reach 100% of those goals, even 60% gives us a fighting chance above those of us who only reached 20%. I expect to be astronomically successful in all my endeavors, needless to say most of this sentence is my Ego talking but as far as nature is concerned, our Ego is the only thing we have pushing us to do better. We should all expect exactly what we want from life to be a future truth, one that may or may not take longer than we would hope, one that we can never stop fighting for. This is known as self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was recently told that I am a dreamer, someone who assumes that his goals will all be reached within a certain timeframe. I say there is nothing wrong with that, Einstein, Darwin, Tesla were all dreamers when they entered the world stage, look at them now, their names will live on in infamy. Why should we assume to be any different, all it takes is a nobody with a window and a song for others to listen.
Expectation that the world will bend to fit your will is silly, but expectation that even in the smallest way we can make an impact on humanity is not.